I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the strange combination of good and bad. It seems that with all the changes in my life over the past years (yes I have had chill years, although I can’t remember what that’s like), there seems to be a distinct balance to the experience. And dammit it seems to be grounded in some universal truth. With the good comes the bad. Now, I know there is also a choice in perspective in this statement. I pick what’s good and I pick what I think is bad. But if there’s one true thing about such a statement, it is that time can give you the space place to view the emergence of events.
For example: I remember complaining about having to take meeting notes for three separate groups this winter during my internship. I tried at the beginning to feel grateful for the opportunity to learn more about these topics. But I hated having to take notes, not being able to participate, and sit there basically focusing on what was being said. I was fairly new to the dynamics of the City’s Utilities and I was sitting in groups with upper management. I didn’t know much about what was being discussed, I slowly learned, and through my diligence and attention to detail, somehow I established credibility with the members in each of these meetings. I gained an important professional ally who saw potential in me--some of his understanding of me is still a mystery. But slowly I watched in amazement as I gained respect, accolades and more responsibility. I earned a fat raise, and a month ago was given the opportunity to facilitate and coordinate the activities of two of these groups, while still participating with the other. I was offered a contract position, which allows me to continue to develop with these two projects. I was nervous at first of the idea of only have a year’s worth of security (the bad), but I realized that a year is a long time to develop and move forward. I could never have predicted when I sat in those first meetings, grumbling and feeling devalued as a simple “note-taker” that things would end up in this spot. Seeing this happen in my own life instills a greater sense of trust in how things evolve. Reserving judgment might be a good practice in those first blush moments. I also feel a little more understanding that I could be better off not knowing how the story of each novella in my life ends. I hope that next time I feel panicked about a situation and how bad it seems at the time that I can remember to stop, drop the thoughts and trust. I needn’t create additional suffering in my life by focusing on how bad it is, how bad it can get and how it will stay like that forever. If I pay attention, look and then focus on it—I can see the abundance and miracles I doubted and never thought were possible surrounding me.
Thanks T—you helped me remember why I write these…
For example: I remember complaining about having to take meeting notes for three separate groups this winter during my internship. I tried at the beginning to feel grateful for the opportunity to learn more about these topics. But I hated having to take notes, not being able to participate, and sit there basically focusing on what was being said. I was fairly new to the dynamics of the City’s Utilities and I was sitting in groups with upper management. I didn’t know much about what was being discussed, I slowly learned, and through my diligence and attention to detail, somehow I established credibility with the members in each of these meetings. I gained an important professional ally who saw potential in me--some of his understanding of me is still a mystery. But slowly I watched in amazement as I gained respect, accolades and more responsibility. I earned a fat raise, and a month ago was given the opportunity to facilitate and coordinate the activities of two of these groups, while still participating with the other. I was offered a contract position, which allows me to continue to develop with these two projects. I was nervous at first of the idea of only have a year’s worth of security (the bad), but I realized that a year is a long time to develop and move forward. I could never have predicted when I sat in those first meetings, grumbling and feeling devalued as a simple “note-taker” that things would end up in this spot. Seeing this happen in my own life instills a greater sense of trust in how things evolve. Reserving judgment might be a good practice in those first blush moments. I also feel a little more understanding that I could be better off not knowing how the story of each novella in my life ends. I hope that next time I feel panicked about a situation and how bad it seems at the time that I can remember to stop, drop the thoughts and trust. I needn’t create additional suffering in my life by focusing on how bad it is, how bad it can get and how it will stay like that forever. If I pay attention, look and then focus on it—I can see the abundance and miracles I doubted and never thought were possible surrounding me.
Thanks T—you helped me remember why I write these…
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