Ok, just to clarify for those who read this and know me well... I'm not about to give detailed instructions on how to make a night in alone more exciting, I'm talking about the more allusive and challenging concept of really loving the person we are right now. Not loving who I would be 5 lbs thinner, or $100,000 richer, or soulmate in tow, or clear skin forever, but me in this very moment-vulnerable, mildly sad and wanting for the things my mind can't figure out a way to have. A good friend lent me her book by Louise Hay, called You Can Heal Your Life. What grabbed me was the illustrations, but hooked me for the haul was within the first two sentences. "We create situations, and then we give our power away by blaming the other person for our frustration. No person, no place and no thing has power over us, for we are the only thinkers in it. When we create peace and harmony and balance in our minds, we will find it in our lives." BUT the biggest premise is that "when we really love and accept and APPROVE OF OURSELVES EXACTLY AS WE ARE, then everything in life works." Easy right? I've noticed it's much easier to observe and catch other people pulling out the bats to clobber themselves with than myself. But I recently got called out as a perfectionist last week, and I can't honestly think of a more unforgiving, uncompassionate, self-critical human condition than trying to be perfect in what every scenario a person will try to hammer, squeeze, twist and push themselves to fit into. Have I really been this hard on myself for all these years? Yup. So how in the hell did this happen? Especially if I came out of the womb so happy, joyful and connected (well except for the sore fanny)? Well, most of us know the answer to that, and the truth is those who helped and hindered us along the way were really just doing the best they could with their own beliefs-some of lack, hardship and pain, others of love, laughter and awe. As I'm reading this book, it just seems so simple to start changing my thoughts through simple affirmations like " I approve of myself" and "Love is everywhere and I am loving and lovable." And of course she suggests you say the first affirmation several hundred times a day. But the perspective is slowly changing. I have literally had some of the nicest smiles coming my way in the last week than I've noticed before. I even had someone turn in my wallet filled with cash and credit cards at a crowded movie theatre when I left it god knows where. I can't help but think there's something to all this, especially when I think of the happiest people I've known, vs. the most unhappiest. The journey of self discovery is full of speed bumps for a reason.
My coach said tonight during our session that have you ever noticed that when we are often complimented (particularly women in this culture) about how we look - or first thoughts maybe, "No, my hair isn't cooperating, or are you sure my hips don't look too big, or I think I look fat", but if you compliment a 7 year old they'll say " I know! My mom helped me with my hair and I have a new ribbon and I just love this dress!". Good point. So off I go to repeat my affirmations to see if I can work on clearing out the garbage, only 179 more times to go...
