Negativity and Suffering Have Their Roots In Time

I was really struck by this particular passage in a book I'm reading. Please consider these thoughts...

All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time (the focus on past or future, not clock time) and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry–all forms of fear—are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, not enough presence. Most people find it difficult to believe that a state of consciousness totally free of all negativity is possible. And yet this is the liberated state to which all spiritual teachings point. It is the promise of salvation, not an illusory future but right here and now.

You might find it hard to recognize that time is the cause of your suffering or your problems. You believe that they are caused by specific situations in your life, and seen from a conventional viewpoint, this is true. But until you have dealt with the basic problem-making dysfunction of the mind—its attachment to past and future and denial of the Now—problems are actually interchangeable. If all your problems or perceived causes of suffering or unhappiness were miraculously removed from you today, but you had not become more present, more conscious, you would soon find yourself with a similar set of problems or causes of suffering, like a shadow that follows you wherever you go. Ultimately, there is only one problem: the time-bounded mind itself.

~Eckhart Tolle, from The Power of Now~

My Ego and the Horse She Rode in on

I was walking yesterday, contemplating my feelings after a short but wonderful getaway to Utah, then coming home to the resistance I had so easily dropped there. I had this image of my ego riding in on a horse and looking like Sharon Stone in The Quick and the Dead. I did say it was my ego right? --she can look as fabulous as she wants. Surly, vengeful, vulnerable and hot. I had escape from her for a while, but apparently all my releasing had still left a plate to be washed-and it was stinking up the place. I felt a low grade, suppressed indignation yesterday that came up in the afternoon into feelings of disrespect and injustice. I had been treated in an unacceptable fashion by a group of people I had given my time, energy and effort to. HHMPF! Well! My ego had apparently rode in on a horse that also called itself Pain. So surly Sharon came strolling into town on Pain's body. Have you ever had retroactive assistance in such situations? I came across a great quote my friend Lisa had on a corkboard in her home. A therapist had shown it to her while she was in graduate school.

"How others treat you is their path. How you react is yours." I know logically how I was treated wasn't about me, although I certainly had some vibrational influence on attracting the situation to me. I never really felt valued working with these people, and even months later, such a feeling was reflected back to me. Was I right? Does it matter? Not really. The important thing I will remember of this particular event was that I will make a point to make sure I take care of those around me who offer me their time, energy and effort. I can only do so much to influence how others feel about their experience with me, but I will know that I've come from a place of appreciation when working with others.

As for my persistent cowgirl and her hurting horse, I know that she can only intimidate me with her swagger and six shooter when I give her that power. And every day I stay present and conscious she gets weaker and less bothersome. And maybe, just maybe, she'll realize it's her time to get on that sad nag and ride off into the sunset.

Allowing the Blahs

I experienced a lot of conflict yesterday. My ego popped in, and I witnessed my pain body nagging at me, both producing thoughts of indignation, victim-hood, and fear. The current of trust is still there however, carrying me even though I have chosen at times to ignore it. It’s like I’ve found myself in a swiftly moving river and in panic I’ve exerted this energy to swim to shore, when the river is the safest place to be. It’s hard to grasp at water, but seemingly easier to grasp at branches that will only keep you stuck in the same place.

I just finished listening to a radio recording of Elizabeth Lesser and Oprah Winfrey discussing the last chapter in summary of Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. I realized that in searching for a job and outer purpose—the details of these things—was within my ego. I don’t believe that desiring and being attracted to serving a steward of the environment was part of my ego. I do think that wanting and fearing the actual details of what the job will be has been driven at times by my ego. I feel that when I get quiet, I know the truth of my outer purpose, although I have been unable so far to manifest what I thought was “the perfect outlet” for that. I’ve looked high and low, bringing my mind so far into it, I’m sure I’ve missed the miraculous clues the Universe has provided for me. Too busy looking. The quote that struck me today, was although I knew this logically, I’ve failed to implement it directly, giving over my purpose truly to consciousness: “Ask that what ever you do is in service for something greater than yourself”. I’ve asked that whatever I was pursuing be in service for me and what I’ve wanted, desired and sought for recognition and approval. But I have never fully surrendered to using myself as a conduit for Source? I know what it feels like, being aligned, having things given and arranged easily as if the invisible hand worked through me. Lately while I become more conscious and present, I’ve watched myself in the old pattern of pushing the river. I’ve been trying to make things happen, under the façade of allowing—all the time feeling like I was doing something “wrong” because things haven’t changed externally.
So in my new goal is to not only be present, but ask daily if not more often, that the Universe use me for the greater good. It’ll be interesting to see if this helps me let go of the “hows” and just go with where the river takes me.