Faith visits

I pulled "Faith" as my Angel Card this morning. It's two angels, one hanging from a trapeze swing with her arms outstretched and another angel who's taken the leap from her swing and is reaching for the other angel's hands. I love the card, but I always get a little "fluttery" when I see it. For some reason yesterday, I was thinking of my worst moments away from home in my new jobs/rooms/school/ in CA, MT, GA, NY. I remembered very clearly hysterically calling my mom while sitting in my Saturn when it was raining out-it matched my mood terribly. I think it was my very very bottom here and it was Oct 4th, 2005. I was SO upset, why am I here, I'm not as good as these people, I'm not as smart as these people, I should go back to CO and Norlarco, what am I going to use this degree for, what if I can't get a good paying job? My car was facing this small shallow pond on the farm by the road. As my wipers cleared the window, I saw a heron in the pond. It was one of the most beautiful and painful moments in my life, and to me that bird will always be faith visiting me. I still kept crying and worrying, but that heron was the stillness and assurance in my storm. I knew it, and to a great extent ignored it, but I still felt it. I hope that you see your heron and feel the same small and persistent comfort. If we pay attention, it's strong and undeniable. If we ignore it, it's still there, but a whisper like our mothers soothe us as babies as we cry and scream.

Terrific Power

Have you ever had a glimpse of your true power? Maybe you've been working toward a particular goal or dream, and it's nearly within your grasp, only to touch it for a fraction of a second. This happened to me today, for more than one thing. Today is my day of power. Not that yesterday wasn't, or tomorrow won't be-but today I saw it, I paid attention to it, I acknowledged it.

What was special about today... I allowed the culimination of my work- spiritual and intellectual- manifest into a 4 hour period. I completed the first draft of my Master's Thesis and handed it in, and I developed the presentation for my collegues. Both of these tasks were equally daunting, requiring I overcome and reconcile my fear of my academic intellectuals judging my work, and my fear of public speaking. I also have a secret goal I haven't told anyone about, that I achieved a 50% success with-which, believe me -was an achievement. When I achieve this last goal ,

my life will take a turn for the truly extraoridnary. But it's my secret until I decide otherwise. This evening, I felt a charge of true success and acceptance. I am truly worthy of my dreams and goals, and my achievements only reinforce my own magnificence. This, from a woman who has previously used personal achievements like a drive-thru. Just give me my stuff and I'm on my way onto the next thing-never truly acknowledging herself and the time and worth of what was given and received. I'm not talking about what others gave me, but giving myself the kudos for loving my demons, my fears and holding my own hand while experiencing my weaknesses. I'm finally becoming the kind of best friend to myself as I am to others. I'm on the brink of getting a Master's degree I nearly quit more times than I could count, and a spiritual breakthrough that will allow more love and abundance in my life than I ever thought possible. What do I do?

My toes are poking over the ledge of my own limitations.

I've never been more excited to jump off the cliff...