Following the fruit loops

I was telling my friend early today, that I feel like the universe is leading me on a path lined with fruit loops. Obviously an incentive I need to keep following the way I've choosen for myself and am co-creating with the universe. I had originally referred to the experience as a bread crumb trail, but the power of the Hansel and Gretl story still has a negative sway for the child in me. I liked the image of Boo from Monsters, Inc following the fruit loops trail, and I can even hear her crunch as I write this.

I've discovered one of the great challenges in my life (and many I suppose) is being consistent with faith. Trust is a sticky one in this society. We are taught to fear nearly everything, and being in the professional field I am in (environmental policy), many choose to convey urgency through fear and worst case scenarios. But once I get right with myself, it feels easier to let go of the "we're all screwed" philosophy in favor of the "everything is alright". Notice I didn't say will be or should be or can be, but rather -is. I'm not writing in this blog only to document the times I feel high while trying to implement the spiritual principles highlighted from The Secret and Abraham, but to speak of how I feel after coming through my rough spots.

I felt heavier yesterday and was challenged by negative thoughts all this morning. I was feeling, to a certain degree, dread for a meeting I had with my advisor to go over the first rough draft of my thesis. I had taken a break from working on it since Friday when it was due, and had observed others struggling with the deadline and feeling bad. I worried here and there that I hadn't worked hard enough, felt guilt, and worried she'd tell me that the whole thing sucked and needed some major overhaul. I still made a concerted effort to nip these thoughts, turning away any true focus on them, but they did exist. I met with her this afternoon and she hadn't had a chance to read my paper yet. I almost got irked at this, but chose not to. She actually had read it through once, but hadn't made comments on it. So instead of having a conversation about the details, she let me tell her my concerns and walked me through my feelings about it. It turned out that I got every validation I needed from her. She told me I was the only one to have met her deadlines, that I had obviously done a lot of work, and that we'd get through the sections that I felt needed strengthening. She helped me face another fear I had about sharing my document with my 3rd reader (even though that's what she's there for!). I left her office feeling wonderful-relieved, encouraged and inspired. Granted I still have to go back for the review, but she provided me what I needed THEN. I emailed the pertinent sections to my 3rd reader and will be able to get feedback from her as well. Goodness! It amazed me. I was also encouraged that the little bit of worrying I had done didn't manifest into this monsterous experience that instantaneously bit me on the ass.

There just might be something to this! ;) Onwards and upwards.

Choosing to Float

So one of the things I've been doing to encourage myself is tracking the things I'm manifesting in my day. I think sometimes the little things are the easist to see or acknowledge.

I woke up and the first thing I saw was my computer. I immediately had a feeling of anxiety. If you've been trying to write a thesis like I am, or tie a good deal of your work and creativity into a computer, you may understand. I acknowledged that crappy feeling and tried to put my focus somewhere else. I opened the shade in my room and just let the feeling go so I could muster some excitement for my day. What do you know, that's exactly what happened. I don't know why, but I decided to go to the pool and swim. I've been wanting to do this for nearly a month. I even found a pair of goggles when I first decided to swim, but I didn't go. I did what I think a lot of us do- I let the enthusiasm pitter out, finding excuses and reasons not to do it. I don't like chlorine, I don't want to see myself in a swim suit, I don't want to get cold, I don't.... ya da ya da. But I lit a fire under my ass this fine sunday morning and off I went. I wanted a lane to myself, and I wanted to swim for 20 minutes. I got ready, whipped by the mirrors not caring to look or even think about my swimsuit. As I prepared to get into a lane with another swimmer, a gentleman got out and I was able to have my own lane. Lovely! I got in and the water felt great, it wasn't too strong in chlorine, and the swimming was so much fun. Ok, so I got my ass kicked at first-out pacing my capabality, I spaced I was in the deep end and gulped a bunch a water when I sunk, but I kept at it. I even swam for 10 minutes longer than I had originally planned, and I almost didn't want to get out of the water. The sunlight came in to one section of the pool and when I saw it under water it reminded me of diving. So as an added bonus I was able to be reminded of one of my goals which is to go scuba diving soon. I remembered what Bob Doyle said on The Secret about doing what you can to get into the feeling of having what you want, so incidentally I benefitted from swimming in pool that was no where near the Caribbean. If I pay attention and look for what pleases me, I find them. I'm going to make a concerted effort to look for what I want to see. A positive feedback loop is bound to develop- see sunset feel good- see red cardinal in tree feel good-see sunshine feel good-get positive feedback on my thesis feel good.

Ok so maybe I'm gushing a little, but it's so much better than sitting around worrying about all the crap that could go wrong- as it builds and builds and barrels toward me like a freight train. I may not have a great days all the time, but I'm certainly not going to try and put it out there anymore as a command.

My quote for the day is:

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow" Helen Keller ( Secret Master)

"The Secret" Hype

Ok, so maybe you've heard something about the movie "The Secret". The teachers featured on this movie have been on Oprah, Larry King Live, and others. I even heard Bill Maher crack a joke about the Law of Attraction and the movie last week. So what's the big deal and why buy into the hype? I don't consider myself a sucker, nor am I a some kool-aid drinking zombie ready to follow what others see as the "true awakening". The law of attraction rings a bell for me- and a loud one at that. So consider seeing what the buzz is about, and even experiment with the lessons and see what happens. It may not be instantaneous, but what do you have to lose? A couple of minutes of less of complaints will make any one feel better, and maybe this movie and the teachings are how you can actually get what you want.
Check out my website, http://moreagape.theofficialsecretseminar.com/or go to www.thesecret.tv to order the movie- you can even watch it online.
Let me know what you think.

A conversation with a chipmunk and other weird encounters with wildlife

So I was walking to the office of my graduate advisor yesterday and while walking on the path, I noticed this tiny chipmunk sitting on a log. Ok, so no big deal to some, but I stopped in my tracks. He/she didn't move, and stared right at me. It felt like a staring contest, it went on much longer than I would've ever thought. This guy had something to say to me. I kept expecting him to scurry off in panic. Nope. Just stared and stared and stared. I had to smile at all this. For one thing, this guy was cute as hell and another thing, he was ballsy for a little squat. I have no idea what we communicated to each other, but he didn't move until I told him I had to go- I started walking and off he went.


When I was heading back to the dorm a few hours later in this wicked snowstorm (I'm in Southern NY finishing my Master's degree), something caught my eye. I see this red northern cardinal on a bush close by. He doesn't seemed to be phased at all at the wind and blowing snow. Again, I had to stop and check him out. I had wondered if he was the same guy I'd seen trying to crack into the library window on campus. I keep seeing this crazy cardinal trying to get into the library. What does he think he's going to find in there- enlightenment and a guide to picking up chicks? More likely he'll find a bunch a wacky-haired Bard undergrads putzing around in their academic angst. I could only watch in for a few seconds, as it was colder than a witch's tit and I could barely see. So I keep walking for awhile, and sure as shit, I look up again and he's across the road looking at me again. Weird right? Or is it just ridiculous notion of connection to NY woods and their nutty inhabitants? All I know is these critters make me smile, feel good and want to see more of their kind. With so much going on in my life right now, I'll take that.