I wonder if I was born without the gene that allows me to feel a sense of accomplishment when it occurs. I just finished 95% of a project that I've spent the last 6+ mos working on and I feel like barely anything has ended. What the hell is that about? Shouldn't I feel some amazing high or at least a sense of relief? Have I become jaded to my own winnings? I think I just know that it's not an end and I have ceased to let myself off the hook. It may be easier to let others celebrate my "success" at this point. I know there's more to be done. I've become addicted to the sense of expansion that comes from wanting more and the experience of catching up to it.
I've gotten up every morning for the last two weeks before 6am so I can read books at my favorite coffee shop that I know are increasing my professional potential. John Kotter may very well be a business/organizational management god. Read Leading Change and tell me otherwise.
Anyway, I'm a bit scattered or maybe delaying the reference to the title of my blog. I have wondered in my search for self-trust why I continue to manifest incidences that test my belief in myself. I question connections and my understanding of them. One specifically, that was evident in my heart from the beginning, and that now my mind can only see the impossibilities of. It is the mind that builds the mistrust, my heart only knows the possibilities--the universe can only confirm the heart's truth. Where should the bets be made? I know what feels better--to trust what lifts my hope up, while letting the rest fall away. It's amazing what the mind can sow without a sense of reciprocation or evidence.
Trust what I feel? Really? Just trust what I feel? Ok then. Trust what I feel.
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