Release! Release! Release!

Okay, so I wonder sometimes why we are so inclined to avoid doing things that have a very good possibility of improving our lives. I know the answer is probably that we're not ready, but in hindsight that answer usually seems to simplistic to me. I'm reading a fabulous book right now. I've known about the author and the concept for over a year. I've picked up the book, read the back, and then bought other books instead. For whatever reason I got it into my head recently to finally make a point of buying it. I found it right away, and can now barely stand to put it down. It's The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin. I think it's the missing piece of the puzzle I've been looking for. I know and understand many of the concepts of releasing resistance intellectually, but practicing it regularly in a formulated manner has been more challenging. The basic premise is that by releasing our emotions as they come, or by finding things we know we experience resistance about and releasing the feelings (not just the thoughts) that we can free ourselves permanently from their power over us. The cover of the book even so loftily claims that the method is "your key to lasting happiness, success, peace and emotional well-being". I can't claim any of that quite yet, but I can tell you two by-products of reading and practicing the principles of the first 131 pages I've read so far. 1. I've become hyper-sensitive to my feelings and the according thoughts. Now I've already been pretty conscious about that, but this really gears you up for that awareness and 2. I've honestly observed myself not reacting as extremely to things and people that might normally push my buttons. Hmm. There might be something to this. Of course this is something you have to consciously practice, but if the rewards are what I think they may be, what's a little letting go of the crap that's only holding me back anyway?

My favorite concept in this book so far is the idea that we may be resisting both sides of things we want. What Hale gives the example such as- say you want more money, a no brainer. Is it possible you are resisting not having money as much as you could be possibly wanting it? At first blush that sounds off, but think about it. How many of us have hang ups about other people with money. You see someone driving around in a car you covet and they happen to be a teenager. If you're like me, sometimes resentment may arise-I bet his dad bought him that! What did he do to deserve that expensive car? Whether we realize it or not these type of thoughts create resistance and very likely push money and abundance away from us. Maybe we fear what others will think of us, how they'll relate to us, or what they'll expect from us if we come into a windfall or become wildly successful. Money may be a more obvious thing to have a lot of resistance but what about other things? Another common one is our bodies. Maybe you want to get skinny and toned. I think many people may stay complacent about their bodies because well let's face it, it takes some work to get in shape, cook differently, say no to food someone else makes, it takes money to buy new "skinny" clothes and so on. So The Sedona Method has the possibility to really help getting energy lined up because you simply release the emotions and resistance. And I mean simply. Here's the questions you answer when releasing:

Asking one of the three questions avoiding any internal debate or thought- "Could I let this feeling go? Could I allow this feeling to be here? Could I welcome this feeling?"

Then depending on your answer- Would I? In other words: "Am I willing to let go?"

Then- "When?" And I swear if even if you say no or never, you are likely to feel some of your resistance dissolve.

Crazy simple right? He evens says that you can release on good feeling thoughts. Why the heck would we want to do that right? Well as an experiment I did that, and strangely enough I felt even better after doing so.

All I know is there may be something incredibly profound about this concept. I'd love it for someone else to pick this book up and let me know what they think. In the meantime, if you're wondering where's Katy? Don't worry, she's just letting go.

Tweak it a bit

I haven't written on my blog in quite some time. I guess I haven't felt inspired to do so, considering my audience may have shrunk from two to one. But I remembered how good it felt to put my writing and spin on things out to the universe. I recently described my current reality as feeling like I had my landing gear down and was just circling the runway, waiting to land. I then had my reality and attitude described back to me as if it was like I had been sitting in a comfortable chair, but was now sitting in an ackward, uncomfortable position. Like the movie had ended and there I was still sitting in the theatre. The fun was over, and everyone else had transitioned and here I was still sitting there. I think sometimes when we're waiting for a big change, we start to see that change as the answer of the improvement of things. Like the girl waiting by the phone, hoping for the call from the hot guy, I've held my life and feelings hostage to this ship that I'm waiting to come in. And god does it seem to take forever. It's challenging to have done so much work on myself, experience a huge transition in many areas of my life, and keep up with the person I've become. I think in many ways that's why I'm feeling so disoriented and some of the losses and transition. I have wanted changes, they came and I'm still trying to relate and react to them like the old Kate, not the new me.

So I've decided to show the universe my willingness to accept change by tweaking my world a bit. I rearranged my room and changed the background on my phone. I've been taking new routes to go places I go to a lot-finding new things to appreciate along the way, and I even cut my hair a bit different and it's now extra sassy! It's amazing how by doing little things, I feel renewed, even more enthusiastic about my little routines. The point is to start to feel better now, not later, not once the bank account is filled, not once he shows up, not once I have more friends to spend time with, not once I buy the shoes, clothes and suit I want--but NOW. Our point of power is in the present moment, and these little exercises in change help a lot. I used to view myself as needing to be very routine oriented, that that helped me stay grounded and sane. But as I continue to practice the ability to feel good no matter what's going on around me, I find my creativity sparked in creating the same feelings a routine gives me, but in different situations. What a wonderful gift of freedom! I needn't feel handcuffed when things go awry, but find opportunities in seeing things I hadn't seen before. There's always something I can appreciate in every moment if I focus on that intention. And the best part is, it gets easier the more you do it.

Love to you in your journey.

The Art of Self Loving

Ok, just to clarify for those who read this and know me well... I'm not about to give detailed instructions on how to make a night in alone more exciting, I'm talking about the more allusive and challenging concept of really loving the person we are right now. Not loving who I would be 5 lbs thinner, or $100,000 richer, or soulmate in tow, or clear skin forever, but me in this very moment-vulnerable, mildly sad and wanting for the things my mind can't figure out a way to have. A good friend lent me her book by Louise Hay, called You Can Heal Your Life. What grabbed me was the illustrations, but hooked me for the haul was within the first two sentences. "We create situations, and then we give our power away by blaming the other person for our frustration. No person, no place and no thing has power over us, for we are the only thinkers in it. When we create peace and harmony and balance in our minds, we will find it in our lives." BUT the biggest premise is that "when we really love and accept and APPROVE OF OURSELVES EXACTLY AS WE ARE, then everything in life works." Easy right? I've noticed it's much easier to observe and catch other people pulling out the bats to clobber themselves with than myself. But I recently got called out as a perfectionist last week, and I can't honestly think of a more unforgiving, uncompassionate, self-critical human condition than trying to be perfect in what every scenario a person will try to hammer, squeeze, twist and push themselves to fit into. Have I really been this hard on myself for all these years? Yup. So how in the hell did this happen? Especially if I came out of the womb so happy, joyful and connected (well except for the sore fanny)? Well, most of us know the answer to that, and the truth is those who helped and hindered us along the way were really just doing the best they could with their own beliefs-some of lack, hardship and pain, others of love, laughter and awe. As I'm reading this book, it just seems so simple to start changing my thoughts through simple affirmations like " I approve of myself" and "Love is everywhere and I am loving and lovable." And of course she suggests you say the first affirmation several hundred times a day. But the perspective is slowly changing. I have literally had some of the nicest smiles coming my way in the last week than I've noticed before. I even had someone turn in my wallet filled with cash and credit cards at a crowded movie theatre when I left it god knows where. I can't help but think there's something to all this, especially when I think of the happiest people I've known, vs. the most unhappiest. The journey of self discovery is full of speed bumps for a reason.

My coach said tonight during our session that have you ever noticed that when we are often complimented (particularly women in this culture) about how we look - or first thoughts maybe, "No, my hair isn't cooperating, or are you sure my hips don't look too big, or I think I look fat", but if you compliment a 7 year old they'll say " I know! My mom helped me with my hair and I have a new ribbon and I just love this dress!". Good point. So off I go to repeat my affirmations to see if I can work on clearing out the garbage, only 179 more times to go...

I was just stretching!

My friend Steph and I have been on quite the journey these days. We were talking and processing all the recent changes in our lives, joking about how crazy it all feels when I had this image of a galloping horses scooping us up and riding away. I told her about this and she laughed and said "I was just stretching!". But the truth is, no matter how much we want change and things to go differently in a way that improves our lives for the better- when it does show up, it can be rapid, overwhelming and mind boggling. The funny thing is, she and I have been "preparing and asking for all of this". But my goodness it certainly showed up so quickly that we couldn't and didn't want to get out of the way of the galloping horse. Also, the manifestation of the new steps on our paths appeared so magically and nearly instantaneously that we barely had time to think about them- it was either act now, or say no thanks.
Speaking for myself, I acted on a whim (or intuition some might say) and was given a choice of YES or no to the situation- no maybes, no hemming or hawing, just a HELL YES or HELL NO. And the person that was making the offer was paying very close attention to my decision making process as an indicator of my openness and commitment. My logic/reason had no time to really process the whole scenario. Some may say that was a bad thing- but my opinion is that sometimes mulling things over allows all the fears, doubts and insecurities to invade your clarity. I went with my heart, my inspiration and my gut. So I possibly just said yes to the most important 6 mos of my life. I just jumped on the fast track and my dream life is speeding toward me. It will be a ton of work, but will hopefully be the kind of work that is fun, rewarding, inspiring and will help create my "10" life. I had a major part in creating this opportunity, and it snapped into place like a Lego, another piece that will help me create my dream. I got lined up and then got out of my own way. And we thought we were just stretching! Imagine every choice was like that...

Relax already

I was playing tennis with my sister yesterday, and kept noticing that as soon as I relaxed and had fun my playing vastly improved and I'd be rewarded with a great shot- even if it was slammed back at me. I could just play in this place without thought and let my body and mind work their magic. As soon as I got frustrated by a misplaced shot or serve, I got "bunched up" and my game and attitude immediately deteriorated. I kept saying to Shannon, "I play so much better when I just relax". I must of said it two or three times and her response each time was, "Don't we all". I know this applies to every aspect of my life, and I don't doubt that you know this too. I know that I need the contrast of every frustrating annoyance in our life, and the fortitude and concentration to refocus on allowing, letting go and relaxing. This is a practice and art that I want to refine and keep in mind. Not always easy to remember or live, but the rewards come almost immediately if not in my immediate surroundings, but in how I feel. I feel better, and better and better- even if I'm starting from the worst of places.

I recently graduated from Bard College, and got a Master's Degree in Environmental Policy. I thought I knew what I was getting into when I started, and the experience quickly got away from me as I "bunched up" about grades, my intelligence compared to others, what I'd do with this degree, the expectations of others, and the biggest issue of the expectations I had of myself. Needless to say the first semester was miserable for me and those who tried their best to support me through this process. I found that when I came back from the semester break, that I didn't try to defeat myself by reading every extraneous journal article assigned, freak out by overwhelming myself by the big picture and I did much better grade-wise and my attitude improved. However, the lesson that replaced this one learned was being around the toxic attitudes of my classmates who chose to see the garbage in everything and not involving myself. At first I kept trying to readjust people by reframing the conversation, but found that this didn't work and others resented the interjection, and I felt pulled down in the process. I felt a tremendous relief when I came back to CO for my internship and had 7 months away from the situation. I came back in January to finish up my thesis and the semester went great- few glitches, more time and room to grow personally, and support from my advisor. This wasn't everyone's reality, but I made sure it was mine.

I've come back home and noticed that I have tried to repeat this same forcing of alignment and adjustment to my family. I have a clearer vision of myself and those I love, and I will always have challenges because I want to continue to grow and love. It can be difficult to not want to get others to see my new perspective and use it themselves. But I've watched my words and tone alienate and distance me and my love ones. My new focus is to be more impeccable with my words and as The Beatles so aptly coined the best way to interact with others... "Let it Be". It's truly more important to let people choose their own experience and if they want to know where my inspiration and joy is coming from, I can model it for them as best as I can which help us all. Minding my own business is my new mission for my interaction with others, and if I do offer an opinion to be impeccable with my words AND tone. How I say something is as important as my words.

I thought I'd add some quotes that helped and inspired me in this regard.

"Choose what feels good to you and leave everybody else to choose what they want. Don't spend any time saying, "They should choose differently and they'd feel better." Instead say, "They're choosing whatever they're choosing; I'm choosing what I'm choosing, and I'm feeling good while I'm choosing it." And let that be the end of it. Be certain that you are connected to your Source Energy, and let everybody else figure it out for themselves. Some of them will adore you, some of them will hate you -- and none of it has anything to do with you."- Abraham-Hicks.com

"The secret of the universe is minding your own business. What we mean by that is: Don’t get so involved in the desires or beliefs of others that it causes you confusion or chatter in your own vibration and compromises your alignment. When you let nothing be more significant than your own alignment with your desire, then everything in the universe is working in concert for you. It is anyway, but your not letting it in if you are misaligned." Abraham-Hicks

Relaxing and allowing- whew! What concepts!

Faith visits

I pulled "Faith" as my Angel Card this morning. It's two angels, one hanging from a trapeze swing with her arms outstretched and another angel who's taken the leap from her swing and is reaching for the other angel's hands. I love the card, but I always get a little "fluttery" when I see it. For some reason yesterday, I was thinking of my worst moments away from home in my new jobs/rooms/school/ in CA, MT, GA, NY. I remembered very clearly hysterically calling my mom while sitting in my Saturn when it was raining out-it matched my mood terribly. I think it was my very very bottom here and it was Oct 4th, 2005. I was SO upset, why am I here, I'm not as good as these people, I'm not as smart as these people, I should go back to CO and Norlarco, what am I going to use this degree for, what if I can't get a good paying job? My car was facing this small shallow pond on the farm by the road. As my wipers cleared the window, I saw a heron in the pond. It was one of the most beautiful and painful moments in my life, and to me that bird will always be faith visiting me. I still kept crying and worrying, but that heron was the stillness and assurance in my storm. I knew it, and to a great extent ignored it, but I still felt it. I hope that you see your heron and feel the same small and persistent comfort. If we pay attention, it's strong and undeniable. If we ignore it, it's still there, but a whisper like our mothers soothe us as babies as we cry and scream.

Terrific Power

Have you ever had a glimpse of your true power? Maybe you've been working toward a particular goal or dream, and it's nearly within your grasp, only to touch it for a fraction of a second. This happened to me today, for more than one thing. Today is my day of power. Not that yesterday wasn't, or tomorrow won't be-but today I saw it, I paid attention to it, I acknowledged it.

What was special about today... I allowed the culimination of my work- spiritual and intellectual- manifest into a 4 hour period. I completed the first draft of my Master's Thesis and handed it in, and I developed the presentation for my collegues. Both of these tasks were equally daunting, requiring I overcome and reconcile my fear of my academic intellectuals judging my work, and my fear of public speaking. I also have a secret goal I haven't told anyone about, that I achieved a 50% success with-which, believe me -was an achievement. When I achieve this last goal ,

my life will take a turn for the truly extraoridnary. But it's my secret until I decide otherwise. This evening, I felt a charge of true success and acceptance. I am truly worthy of my dreams and goals, and my achievements only reinforce my own magnificence. This, from a woman who has previously used personal achievements like a drive-thru. Just give me my stuff and I'm on my way onto the next thing-never truly acknowledging herself and the time and worth of what was given and received. I'm not talking about what others gave me, but giving myself the kudos for loving my demons, my fears and holding my own hand while experiencing my weaknesses. I'm finally becoming the kind of best friend to myself as I am to others. I'm on the brink of getting a Master's degree I nearly quit more times than I could count, and a spiritual breakthrough that will allow more love and abundance in my life than I ever thought possible. What do I do?

My toes are poking over the ledge of my own limitations.

I've never been more excited to jump off the cliff...