I haven't written on my blog in quite some time. I guess I haven't felt inspired to do so, considering my audience may have shrunk from two to one. But I remembered how good it felt to put my writing and spin on things out to the universe. I recently described my current reality as feeling like I had my landing gear down and was just circling the runway, waiting to land. I then had my reality and attitude described back to me as if it was like I had been sitting in a comfortable chair, but was now sitting in an ackward, uncomfortable position. Like the movie had ended and there I was still sitting in the theatre. The fun was over, and everyone else had transitioned and here I was still sitting there. I think sometimes when we're waiting for a big change, we start to see that change as the answer of the improvement of things. Like the girl waiting by the phone, hoping for the call from the hot guy, I've held my life and feelings hostage to this ship that I'm waiting to come in. And god does it seem to take forever. It's challenging to have done so much work on myself, experience a huge transition in many areas of my life, and keep up with the person I've become. I think in many ways that's why I'm feeling so disoriented and some of the losses and transition. I have wanted changes, they came and I'm still trying to relate and react to them like the old Kate, not the new me.
So I've decided to show the universe my willingness to accept change by tweaking my world a bit. I rearranged my room and changed the background on my phone. I've been taking new routes to go places I go to a lot-finding new things to appreciate along the way, and I even cut my hair a bit different and it's now extra sassy! It's amazing how by doing little things, I feel renewed, even more enthusiastic about my little routines. The point is to start to feel better now, not later, not once the bank account is filled, not once he shows up, not once I have more friends to spend time with, not once I buy the shoes, clothes and suit I want--but NOW. Our point of power is in the present moment, and these little exercises in change help a lot. I used to view myself as needing to be very routine oriented, that that helped me stay grounded and sane. But as I continue to practice the ability to feel good no matter what's going on around me, I find my creativity sparked in creating the same feelings a routine gives me, but in different situations. What a wonderful gift of freedom! I needn't feel handcuffed when things go awry, but find opportunities in seeing things I hadn't seen before. There's always something I can appreciate in every moment if I focus on that intention. And the best part is, it gets easier the more you do it.
Love to you in your journey.
